Dating advice from my mother

To put my mother’s dating/relationship advice into context let me give you two examples of things she has actually said.

-When one of my best friends was sixteen my mum encouraged her to have one night stands. She told my friend to ‘have fun’ with no strings attached.

-Just last year as my lovely little sister was heading off on holiday with her friend my mum went out to the car to say ‘bye’ she then waved her finger about (like a stereotypical Victorian head teacher) telling my sister ‘NO BOYS’.

My mum is obviously not consistent when it comes to dating advice.

Maybe getting married at nineteen means she wishes she had more fun whilst she was younger (“a la” One Direction). However promiscuous fun must be had by other peoples daughter’s, not her own!

Just yesterday I commented to my mum that fit *pool man was looking particularly hot. This did not please here. She started waving her notorious finger around again.

Her exact words were ‘do not touch him with a barge pole’ she then went on to describe his womanising ways. Like I am going to listen to that – surely she must realise telling someone not to do something just makes them want to do it more.

This followed on from a conversation a week before when she told me that aforementioned pool man was ‘not a very nice boy’.

I sometimes think that my dear mother does not understand that A) I am 24-years-old and B) I am not an innocent walkover.

So……….. we’ve established that my mum wants me to stay away from the fit womanisers. She’d rather I stick to the more sensible type – fair enough.

She does tend to take it a step too far though. Once she told me I should get together with a male friend because he had a job, car, house and cat. When I pointed out that I didn’t actually fancy him she didn’t perceive this to be a problem. If I ever wanted an arranged marriage I’m sure my mum would be a great help.

Also if I go on a date my mother thinks I am practically engaged this means I have to clearly spell out to her ‘HE IS NOT MY BOYFRIEND’ anytime I mention a guy’s name.

It has to be done or she gets confused and starts shaking their hand and introducing herself. (Yes she has actually done this and yes it did terrify the guy she did it to).

I can’t actually think of a good piece of dating advice that my mum has given me. I like to think I’ve given her quite a lot but she never listens.

Moaning and joking aside it is good that I can talk to my mum about ‘not very nice boys’ and not very exciting men – it definitely keeps me entertained. But my god that doesn’t mean I tell her everything!

*I am not rich enough to have an actual ‘pool man’ or pool boy for that matter. The name has been made up for creative purposes.

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